Usually great summer deals are the province of furniture and car showrooms, but we have two of our own for you this summer.

You will need to get cracking, both deals finish at the end of July.

1st Great Deal: Extended Early Bird Discounts

We are extending the early bird booking date for Bill O’Hanlon’s Geography Of Possibilities Workshop in Newcastle and our September NLP Practitioner Trainings up until July 31st.

2nd Great Deal: £350 off NLP Practioner Training!

If you have been thinking about attending one of our NLP Practitioner trainings we have a very special deal for you.

Sign up for the Bill O’Hanlon Geography of Possibilies workshop before July 31st costing just £175 we will give you a discount of £350 off our full IntegrityNLP NLP Practitioner training starting in September.

That’s 22 days quality training for just £820!

Remember, you have to book your place on Bill O’Hanlon’s Geography Of Possibilites workshop before 31st July or you lose the discount.

Book Online

We have just finished our ten month NLP Practitioner training, which we started way back in September last year.As part of the celebration weekend we normally exchange feedback and hand out the well earned NLP Practitioner Certificates to the trainees. Before we were able to do that our trainees handed Nigel, Harry, Shirley and myself our certificates. You can see mine here.

This has never happened before and I am very touched by the gesture. I can’t think of many trainings where the trainees give certificates to the trainers.

Thank you Felicity, Mike, Karen, Christine, John, Billy, Keith, Lesley for making my day. It’s been a pleasure to work with you and I look forward to seeing you again

Rapport is the second pillar of NLP helping us connect with other people so that we can be more influential and more influenced.

Rapport is nothing new or special. We grow up immersed in a social world having to interact one way or another with a huge variety of people. Just about everyone has rapport skills to some degree or another.

Most people think that good rapport skills are an innate gift of a select few. NLP takes a different stand and assumes that rapport is a skill, something that we learn and is learn-able.

One of the many dimensions of rapport is known as matching and mirroring. When we are in sync with someone else we tend to match their body postures and gestures.

You’ve probably seen couples in restaurants who are obviously very much in tune looking like mirror images. One person reaches for the glass, the other does the same, so quickly it looks like just one movement. One leans in the other follows. One leans back the other does the same. If you look closely you will probably see that they are even breathing in rhythm.

In this context the matching and mirroring comes from a deep rapport, which leads to matching and mirroring which leads to still deeper rapport. It’s a virtuous cycle.

You may also have noticed in restaurants couples who are obviously not getting along, their postures are radically different, they are having stilted conversation or none at all. Not a happy sight.

We take all this for granted, it’s natural or innate. However what would it be like if you developed this natural ability so that you could enhance rapport between yourself and your partner, family, students, patients, colleagues and all the other humans that you meet?

In NLP trainings we teach people how to develop their natural rapport abilities through specific exercises. If you can develop rapport intentionally then you can be much more influential.

Here are some examples of communication where I think it might be useful to have better rapport.

• Parents helping their children grow up and thrive
• Teachers helping their pupils to learn effectively
• Doctors being able to listen to and help their patients
• Partners, spouses, friends wanting to understand and be understood
• Therapists and counsellors being able to listen to and help their clients.
• Managers wanting to connect with their workers

What about all the people who want to get you to do the things you don’t want to do, won’t rapport training make them more manipulative?

First. Most people have pretty good BS detectors. A skilled manipulator may get away with things at first but after a while most people will smell a rat.

Second. If you have developed your rapport and calibration skills in an NLP training then you will know what is going on. Learning how to do rapport consciously makes you very aware of people who are using rapport ‘techniques’ on you.

On our trainings you learn how to gain rapport you also learn how to break it when you need to. There are lots of ways to sabotage people’s efforts to misuse these techniques.

Our next Introducing NLP training is on Saturday June 19th and Sunday June 20th in Newcastle. We introduce rapport skills on the first day with a lot of exercises and supervised practice. We also cover a lot of other skills and processes all for the princely sum of just £95.

To find out more click on this link, to book online click here.

Suggestions

When you are in a public space look around and notice who is in rapport (matching posture, gesture, tone of voice) and who is out of rapport. Rather than trying to analyse what their body language means just observe and notice the flow (or not) of the non-verbal interactions between the people.

When you are in a talking with somebody, notice something about their posture – crossed legs, head tilted, leaning forward or back, etc and very gently start to adopt parts of that posture as you are talking.

What happens does it help the flow of conversation or hinder it?

Tip: Be gradual about it, if you suddenly leap into the same posture they will experience it as mimicry rather than rapport (they probably wont appreciate you for that).

Photo courtesy of soupermanultra

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where -” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat

Lewis Carroll – Alice in Wonderland

We all want things.

Some things are quite simple: food, a place to live, comfort and warm clothing.

Other things are a bit more complicated: to be part of a community, an iPod, a luxury holiday in the Seychelles, that pair of delightful but ridiculously expensive shoes.

We all have outcomes, places we want to see, things we want to do, people we want to be with.

It’s a basic biological drive that goes way back. I remember in biology lessons many years ago learning about amoeba, moving away from noxious substance and flowing towards and engulfing particles of food. A single cell, one of the simplest living things, operating with an outcome ‘in mind’.

The problem is nobody tells us how to ‘do’ outcomes properly, we all have them and we all learn to go after them, one way or another. We just have to learn how on the job.

Sometimes:

• we get what we want: the dream date or the job we applied for.
• we miss the target and get something else – the dream date’s not so attractive friend or we fluff the interview for the job.
• we get what we want and find out after a little while that we don’t want everything that goes with it – this is the basis of ‘mother in law’ jokes.
• we don’t even know what we want, or have two different and contradictory desires.

Many of us thrash about doing the best we can with the learnings and skills that we have, but we could do it better.

Imagine for a moment that:

• you have the ability to know what you wanted with clarity.
• you can organise your efforts effectively to work towards that outcome
• you have a way to envisage what achieving that outcome would bring you, both the parts that you would like and the parts that might be more of a challenge. (Remember it’s better if you want everything that comes with what you want.)
• you have a way to reconcile conflicting impulses to be whole heartedly fits for you.

One of the pillars of NLP is the ‘outcome orientation’. The fundamental question of NLP is: What do you want?

Fortunately for us there is more than just the question, NLP has simple and effective processes for answering that question that makes your chances of achieving your outcomes much higher. We investigate outcomes and how to achieve them in our Introducing NLP training on June 19-20

A full weekend where all of the NLP principles, tools, techniques and process are explored through structured exercises and experiential learning. Two complete days NLP training in Newcastle and the cost of the introduction training is deducted from NLP Practitioner training for those who choose to go on to do the NLP Practitioner course. A really excellent way to discover the magic of NLP for a very low cost.

Click here to book your place

Neuro linguistic Programming or NLP is a time proven and neurologically based way to honestly learn how to change how you feel and get more of what you want in life. IntegrityNLP and Communicating Excellence offer the best quality of training in NLP in the North of England.

Click here to book your place

“My expectations were all met extremely well. All of the exercises were extremely well delivered. I found it helpful the way the training was delivered with fun and enthusiasm.”

Donna – Project Co-Ordinator

You could have heard all sorts of claims about NLP. That it’s a way of developing advanced communicating skills, influencing people, achieving your goals, managing individuals and groups, avoiding the things that you don’t want and getting much more of what you do and so on.

You may have heard about the ‘Learn NLP in 7 Days’ programs. In our opinion these simply do not work. We offer NLP Practitioner training over six months or ten months where you will fully learn through practice and application over time how to master NLP and apply these powerful skills to yourself and others.

If you are curios about learning NLP and want to know how to feel the way you want more of the time, develop extremely effective communication skills and have a lot of fun learning then you are invited to attend out NLP Introduction training on June 19-20.

NLP Introduction training on June 19-20 – Cost £95

A full weekend where all of the NLP principles, tools, techniques and process are explored through structured exercises and experiential learning. Two complete days NLP training in Newcastle and the cost of the introduction training is deducted from NLP Practitioner training for those who choose to go on to do the NLP Practitioner course. A really excellent way to discover the magic of NLP for a very low cost.

Click here to book your place

Last Saturday on the NLP Practitioner training I presented a segment on metaprograms. Metaprograms are the different ways in which we attend to and represent information from our experience.

If you watch the video you will see that this apparently abstract part of NLP can be explored using some of the most humble and mundane items of everyday life.

I apologise for the awful title pun, I just couldn’t resist.

It’s that time of year when we start to think about those New Year’s Resolutions. All the things we want to do, have and be in this New Year – new car, exotic holiday, lose weight, a new career, etc.

Often we don’t realise consciously that what we want to have or achieve are just a means to an end. What we really want from our possessions and experiences is the feeling or emotion that it gives us.

Perhaps you want to have an exotic holiday. As you imagine the holiday of your dreams what feelings and emotions arise for you? Maybe you imagine feeling relaxed, excited, enthusiastic and happy. Have you ever spent time day dreaming about what your holiday is going to be like – enjoying the feelings you’ll have before you even get there. Or perhaps you want to lose weight. That might make you feel fit, healthy and attractive.

Advertisers figured this out a long time ago. It’s obvious from all the sofa adverts at this time of year that having a deluxe leather sofa with recliner options will give you a happy contented family or an appreciative and attractive partner. Or you could join an exclusive health club and become fit and attractive like the lithe young people in the advert (who obviously don’t need it).

The seductive voices of advertising tell us “just get this thing or take part in this activity and you will be rewarded with these feelings”. I think a sofa is not the only way to have a happy family. Joining a health club is not the only way to feel fit.

I think there is a more useful way to think about New Year resolutions that gives us a better chance of getting what we want and many more choices in how we get there.

How do you want to feel in 2010? What feelings, or emotions, would you like to feel more of?

How would your New Year resolutions be different if started by choosing the emotional states you wanted to experience?

If you knew how you wanted to feel then you would be able to plan as many different ways as you wanted to get the emotional states you wanted.

If you wanted to feel more relaxed you wouldn’t have to buy an expensive sofa to feel that. You might take up meditation or yoga, have a massage, enjoy a cup of tea and a good book. There are lots more possibilities when you have the end in mind. You might even, if you really wanted to, buy a sofa!

This is an example behavioural flexibility (one of the four pillars of NLP) having many different means at your disposal to achieve the outcome that you want.

Here’s a short process for choosing some new New Year’s resolutions

Step 1

Choose the feelings and emotions you would like to feel more of over the coming year. Make a list. Make it as long as you like, we’re going to refine it in the next step. If anything on the list is a an object or an experience cross it out and add the feelings/emotions having that object or experience will give you.

Note: It’s important to make a list of what’s important to you, rather than what other people think is important to you. This is your list not theirs.

Creating this list might take a bit of soul searching and head scratching, but knowing what is important to you is worth it’s weight in gold. This is being able to realise the feelings/emotions that are important to you

Choosing what you want, or setting outcomes, is another fundamental principle of NLP. An outcome is anything that you want, that could be a physical object (a sofa), an experience (exotic holiday), or an emotional state (relaxation). Setting an outcome is the first step in achieving it.

Here’s some feelings/emotions I want to feel more of in 2010:

• love
• energy
• enthusiasm
• fulfilment
• health
• relaxation
• determination
• satisfaction
• …

You’ll notice that these are all stated in the positive. If your list looks like this:

• less anxiety
• no more stress
• fewer aches and pains

Then you need to rework these feelings into the positive by asking yourself “If I didn’t have the ‘problem’ what would I have instead?”

• if I had less anxiety what would I have instead?
• if I had no more stress what would I be feeling?
• if I had fewer aches and pains how would I feel?

Substitute the answers to these questions into your list.

Now you should have a list of your feelings/emotions expressed in the positive.

Step 2

Work through your list sorting them in order of importance. What are the most important feelings for you to experience? Don’t be suprised if this task is not quite as easy as it seems. For some people sorting these feelings in order of importance in this way can be quite challenging.

Here’s (part of) my sorted list of feeling/emotional states

• love
• health
• energy
• fulfilment
• relaxation
• …

If you had a list of a hundred different items it would be difficult to find time to fulfill all of them so choose the most important. With a sorted list I can choose the top five as the states I want to work towards.

Step 3

For each of those feelings/emotions think of at least three different ways of experiencing them or enhancing them if you already have them.

For example here are some of my options for greater health

• Resume running
• Eat more carefully
• Go back to the yoga class I used to belong to
• Do more hillwalking

I like all those ideas and they fit in with my desire to feel more healthy. (OK, the eating carefully might be a challenge – but I can handle it). They can also overlap with some of my other goals, if I’m with my partner for some of these, my love aspirations are served. If I go to yoga some of my relaxation needs are served.

If you have more than three ways for each feeling that gives you a choice in how you are going to achieve them, if one way doesn’t work then you have another means at your disposal to get what you want. So if the sofa doesn’t bring you domestic bliss there are at least two other things you can do.

The emotional states that are important to us are also known as our values. Our values are very important to us the give us both direction and motivation. To enhance your motivation you might like to take each of your top five states and imagine already having realised them. Take a few moments to enjoy having those feelings and when you have them reflect on what else having these feelings or emotions will bring for you.

If I imagine being fitter and more healthy for a moment, lots of extra possibilities arise in my mind – all of them very enjoyable – and all of them very motivating to me.

Step 4

Now you have a list of things to do and feelings to experience. Get started! Enjoy!

This process has used many of the elements of our NLP Practitioner trainings: well formed outcomes, emotional states, values, motivation, mental rehearsal, visualisation and more.

Special Offer

To learn how to use these skills and perspectives book on our January 2010 NLP Practitioner Training in Newcastle and get a second place for free.

That’s right book now for yourself and a partner, colleague or friend can attend free.

Book now – click here.

The Fast Phobia Cure is one of the best known and often least understood NLP processes for changing the meaning of traumatic or debilitating experiences from a persons past personal history.

Our Newcastle and Northumberland NLP Practitioner training and Clinical Hypnotherapy training course teaches practitioners and clinical hypnotherapists to use this process in a variety of ways to assist clients and yourself to be able to become free from unwanted and limiting past experiences.

NLP therapeutic interventions essentially take two forms. It is possible to change the problem state by either changing the internal representations that accompany the state or we can change the physiology, the body positions and breathing that accompany the state.

This video demonstration with Nigel Hetherington on a NLP Practitioner training in Newcastle of the Fast Phobia Cure uses both changing physiology and changing internal representations.

Image by The Veiled Chamber [Gone Once More] via Flickr

Our next NLP Practitioner training begins September 12th.You can become a fully qualified and competent NLP Practitioner by June 2010.

The ten month fully certified training begins September. Training is certified by The Professional Guild Of NLP with optional additional Society of NLP certification.

If you want to embark on this Life changing journey beginning Saturday 12th September…

Look here and see the full course details

Are you ready to book your place yet?

If you would like to read the stories from previous NLP Practitioners, why they chose to do an NLP Practitioner training, what the got out of it and their own unique insights, you can!

The book is called “An Insiders Guide To An NLP Practitioner Training”

Click here to look at a sample of this new book. If you choose to purchase this book, when you join our NLP Practitioner course you can get an additional discount of either £75 ( paper copy) or £35 ( pdf).

Warmest wishes

Nigel Hetherington

Most people don’t like the idea of having surgery. Even if it’s essential most people would probably rather be somewhere else doing something else. In many people’s minds being in hospital counts as an ordeal.

What is the state of mind that goes with having an ordeal? Usually it is one of apprehension or dread.

Does feeling apprehension or dread help?

Probably not. Being stressed is not very conducive to healing.

Recently, a client of mine went into hospital for some surgery, rather than being upset or apprehensive she was treating it as a short holiday! In her mind, this stay in hospital was a rest, lying in bed, being looked after and free from cooking or washing up duties – a holiday!

Not only did she choose her frame of mind, but to enhance the effect she took her holiday bag complete with her holiday kit: trashy magazines, an easy read novel, a serious book, mp3 player and supply of chocolate. All the things she would have taken on a real holiday (except for sun screen of course).

At first I found this a strange way of thinking about a visit to hospital. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to apply a holiday attitude to a hospital stay, but as I thought about it, I began to see that this point of view has a lot to recommend it.

If you are having a good holiday you will probably feel relaxed and comfortable, enjoying a break from the usual ritual, perhaps enjoying the chance to rest. Being able to be relaxed and comfortable in hospital is probably going to be conducive to your treatment and recovery.

Not only did my client frame the experience as a holiday she took props (her holiday bag) to elicit those holiday feelings or state while she was in the hospital.

Afterwards I asked my client how well her plan had worked. She said it had been enormously helpful by allowing her to be in an internal world separate from the physical world of the ward around her. She was able to get lost in her fiction and her music. She even conjured up memories of lying on beaches from previous holidays to develop her feelings of rest, relaxation and escape.

Would it be the only thing you would need to do to have a comfortable stay in hospital?

Probably not, but it’s a very good start.

If you think about it, all the people in my client’s ward were in similar situations all there to recover from surgery of one sort or another. How they approach the experience has an effect on the experience. As a patient you don’t have that much control over what happens to you, that’s in the hands of the medical team. You do have control (if you know how) over your responses.

Framing the experience or giving the experience a meaning of your choice is one way to exert a little control. Setting the frame alters the experience.

Which would you prefer an ordeal or a holiday?

Framing and eliciting helpful states (or feelings) are parts of NLP. My client had been spontaneously using the skills of an NLP Practitioner without knowing about it.

What would it be like if you knew these skills consciously then you could use them at will to change the quality of many of your experiences?

To learn about framing, states and far more, you might like to think about attending an NLP Practitioner training.

Click on the link to learn more about IntegrityNLP NLP Practitioner trainings.

Image courtesy of dMap Travel Guide